Five year?! I’m really not sure where the years have gone. We’ve definitely had some really amazing ups and some tough lows. We’ve had our fair share of fights, but because of those we’re stronger. Thought I’d share what I’ve learned in five years of marriage…
- You will annoy eachother, piss eachother off and not always like your spouse and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You will get past the moment. I won’t sugar coat it – we’ve had some intense fights. Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Miscommunication happens. But at the end of the day, we love each other and we stood up in front of our family, friends & God and promised each other that we were in this forever, until death do us part. We’re ready to fight and if we weren’t we wouldn’t have made that promise. There is no easy way out. There is no divorce in this marriage. There is only trying harder. Learning. Growing. So yeah does he annoy at moments, oh yeah. Do I drive him completely crazy, I promise you that. But it doesn’t matter. As my mom always said growing up, “I might not like you right now. But I will always love you.”
- Communication IS the most important thing! Communicating feelings, frustrations and expectations is so very important. I’ve grown up being told this, being shown examples of this, being taught how to practice it. However, honestly I have always struggled with it. And this first year of marriage hasn’t been any different. I’ve never been good at sharing my hurts, disappointments, expectations and feelings. But I’ve quickly learned that the times that I don’t share – are the times fights happen. So what have I ultimately learned – I’ve got to get over whatever fears I have and share. Healthy communication can build a relationship, just the same way that unhealthy will ruin it.
- Time together is very important. Just as important as time apart. I feel like that’s pretty self explanatory 🙂 #3 plays very much into this next one…
- Finding balance is hard. There’s really only about 15 hours in a day. I mean yes obviously there’s 24 – but you do need to sleep at somepoint. Between his work schedule, owning a business that has me out of the house on nights and weekends, a brand new baby, two doggies and caring for the home. Sometimes making that quality time for each other falls to the back burner. Finding that balance is hard and I’m learning will be a daily give and take and a constant learning curve in each season of life. But the biggest thing to remember is that the to-do list means nothing if the spouse is gone. So if sometimes you go up to bed for a movie together vs loading the dishwasher, that time together is so much more valuable than an empty sink.
- I read this piece about love and marriage on Amy Demos‘ instagram a few years ago and it’s stuck with me ever since. “Love’s about doing what’s expected, isn’t it? The day-t0-day tasks. The little things here and there. The small acts of love, and kindness, that say, “I love you,” over and over again. It’s doing the dishes. It’s folding laundry. It’s remembering to hang towels instead of throwing them on the floor. It’s showing the person you love every single minute of every single day, I’m here. I’m committed. I’m in it to win it. I’m all in. But for a dynamic relationship, for a thriving marriage, expected isn’t enough, is it? It’s the foundation, but it’s not what takes it over the finish line. So what is? Appreciating the expected without forgetting to SURPRISE. Because expected says, “I’m thinking about you right now,” while surprise says, “I’ve been thinking about you ALL this time.” And, just like milk and cookies, expected needs little surprise.”
So that’s just the top 5 things I’ve learned so far. There’s oh so much more to learn. And so much more to improve and grow on – especially these top 5.
What have you learned about marriage?